The 'Male Brain': So that explains it

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All that testosterone drives the "Man Trance"-- that glazed-eye look a man gets when he sees breasts. As a woman who was among the ranks of the early feminists, I wish I could say that men can stop themselves from entering this trance. But the truth is, they can't. Their visual brain circuits are always on the lookout for fertile mates. Whether or not they intend to pursue a visual enticement, they have to check out the goods.

To a man, this is the most natural response in the world, so he's dismayed by how betrayed his wife or girlfriend feels when she sees him eyeing another woman. Men look at attractive women the way we look at pretty butterflies. They catch the male brain's attention for a second, but then they flit out of his mind. Five minutes later, while we're still fuming, he's deciding whether he wants ribs or chicken for dinner. He asks us, "What's wrong?" We say, "Nothing." He shrugs and turns on the TV. We smolder and fear that he'll leave us for another woman.

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Big Dating Myths — And Surprising Truths

MYTH: When you're prepping to go out on the prowl, put on a barely there outfit — men like women who show lots and lots of skin.

TRUTH: A new study published in the journal Behaviour found that, to reel in the boys, the ideal amount of flesh you should reveal is 40 percent. A crop top and mini crosses the line from seductive to skanky.

MYTH: If you're into a guy, make the first move on him.

TRUTH: Smile at him, but then wait for him to come to you. A Northwestern University study discovered that the person who does the approaching usually ends up falling harder.

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Renovate your relationships

Phillips helps married, divorced and single men and women understand the mysteries of relationships. Here are a few of his tips for finding and succeeding in your relationship in the new year.

• Happy follows healthy. Focus on your strengths and what you do well, and a healthy, committed relationship will follow.

• The media tells men they need to be with a beautiful woman. The media tells women they need to be beautiful to get a good man. People need to tap into who they are in reality, and focus on what their values are. Pick a person based on what you want, not what the media told you to want.

• Romance isn't about feeling. It's about connection. There's nothing sexier than a real connection with someone.

• Singles who are looking for a healthy relationship need to connect with their values first to find a match. What is your "value fingerprint?" What is important to you?

• Learn how to receive a loving gesture. Say thank you. Then the joy of love becomes the purpose of the relationship.

• Everyone wants to be loved and respected. Avoid "gender boxing," where you think you should act or feel a certain way because you are a man or a woman. There are as many men who want to cry at a movie as there are women who want to burp at a football game.

• Have confidence in yourself no matter what your relationship situation. If you model healthy behavior, people will take notice.

• Establish healthy friendships. Surround yourself with people who share the same values. Judgement happens when you're trying to make else's values match yours. Be an individual and have faith in your own beliefs.

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