A COUPLE of evolutionary psychologists recently published a book about human sexual behavior in prehistory called “Sex at Dawn.” Upon hearing of the project, one colleague, dubious that a modern scholar could hope to know anything about that period, asked them, “So what do you do, close your eyes and dream?”
Actually, it’s a little more involved. Evolutionary psychologists who study mating behavior often begin with a hypothesis about how modern humans mate: say, that men think about sex more than women do. Then they gather evidence — from studies, statistics and surveys — to support that assumption. Finally, and here’s where the leap occurs, they construct an evolutionary theory to explain why men think about sex more than women, where that gender difference came from, what adaptive purpose it served in antiquity, and why we’re stuck with the consequences today.
Lately, however, a new cohort of scientists have been challenging the very existence of the gender differences in sexual behavior that Darwinians have spent the past 40 years trying to explain and justify on evolutionary grounds.
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Tuesday, January 15, 2013
The End of Courtship?
MAYBE it was because they had met on OkCupid. But when the dark-eyed musician with artfully disheveled hair asked Shani Silver, a social media and blog manager in Philadelphia, out on a “date” Friday night, she was expecting at least a drink, one on one.
“At 10 p.m., I hadn’t heard from him,” said Ms. Silver, 30, who wore her favorite skinny black jeans. Finally, at 10:30, he sent a text message. “Hey, I’m at Pub & Kitchen, want to meet up for a drink or whatever?” he wrote, before adding, “I’m here with a bunch of friends from college.”
Turned off, she fired back a text message, politely declining. But in retrospect, she might have adjusted her expectations. “The word ‘date’ should almost be stricken from the dictionary,” Ms. Silver said. “Dating culture has evolved to a cycle of text messages, each one requiring the code-breaking skills of a cold war spy to interpret.”
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“At 10 p.m., I hadn’t heard from him,” said Ms. Silver, 30, who wore her favorite skinny black jeans. Finally, at 10:30, he sent a text message. “Hey, I’m at Pub & Kitchen, want to meet up for a drink or whatever?” he wrote, before adding, “I’m here with a bunch of friends from college.”
Turned off, she fired back a text message, politely declining. But in retrospect, she might have adjusted her expectations. “The word ‘date’ should almost be stricken from the dictionary,” Ms. Silver said. “Dating culture has evolved to a cycle of text messages, each one requiring the code-breaking skills of a cold war spy to interpret.”
Read more
Saturday, January 05, 2013
Sexless Marriage: When Sex Ends at 'I Do'
How do you define a sexless marriage? Are you living in one, or do you think you are?
In 2003, Newsweek noted that 15% to 20% of couples have sex less than 10 times a year, which is defined as a "sexless" marriage. I recently read that an estimated 15% of marriages become sexless, and making love less than 10 times per year can be the norm for some couples.
I have to wonder though, is it really the "norm" for couples or is one spouse limiting intimate interaction due to their own lack of interest in sex or for some other reason? When one spouse conforms to the sexual standards of the other spouse and the marriage becomes sexless, can it still be called a marriage?
In most situations, the sexual satisfaction in marriage is a measure of the entire relationship. If a once satisfying sex life becomes one in which sex is infrequent or absent, then more than likely there are other aspects of the relationship that a spouse is finding unsatisfying.
Read the rest
In 2003, Newsweek noted that 15% to 20% of couples have sex less than 10 times a year, which is defined as a "sexless" marriage. I recently read that an estimated 15% of marriages become sexless, and making love less than 10 times per year can be the norm for some couples.
I have to wonder though, is it really the "norm" for couples or is one spouse limiting intimate interaction due to their own lack of interest in sex or for some other reason? When one spouse conforms to the sexual standards of the other spouse and the marriage becomes sexless, can it still be called a marriage?
In most situations, the sexual satisfaction in marriage is a measure of the entire relationship. If a once satisfying sex life becomes one in which sex is infrequent or absent, then more than likely there are other aspects of the relationship that a spouse is finding unsatisfying.
Read the rest
Monday, December 24, 2012
Is Bad Sex a Good Enough Reason to Divorce?
Over time, I came to understand that in divorcing Doug, Bethany did something incredibly brave. She took all the hits for breaking up her family, from her parents, her siblings, her children and her friends, myself included, in order to seek a fuller, more integrated life.
In the midst of the divorce, when Bethany had lost 20 pounds and couldn't sleep and doubted herself, she clung to one simple truth, "I can't live the rest of my life without passion."
A passionless life. Not just sexless, but passionless. We all need to have a passion. Whether it's passion for our partner or spouse, our work, our children, our hobbies. The lack of sex in Bethany's marriage had eroded the passion of her spirit. She was living a rote, predictable, stagnant life.
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In the midst of the divorce, when Bethany had lost 20 pounds and couldn't sleep and doubted herself, she clung to one simple truth, "I can't live the rest of my life without passion."
A passionless life. Not just sexless, but passionless. We all need to have a passion. Whether it's passion for our partner or spouse, our work, our children, our hobbies. The lack of sex in Bethany's marriage had eroded the passion of her spirit. She was living a rote, predictable, stagnant life.
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Friday, November 16, 2012
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Can You Save a Sexless Marriage?
Let’s be honest—sex is a big deal. Great sex makes you feel like you’ve transcended into some heavenly plane. For some people, it’s a bond between partners that can’t be created in any other way. When you look at it objectively, it’s sort of odd what a big deal we humans have made of it. It’s two bodies, moving in a weird way, with the ultimate goal of achieving orgasm, a goal which can be reached any other number of ways without all the mess. And yet if you consider all of our sex-related industries here in the USA—from pornography to Viagra and everything else—we worship sex probably even more than we worship any religion. Any way you look at it, sex matters to human beings.
Full piece is here
Full piece is here
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Why do women attempt to make men jealous
Women attempt to make men jealous for a reason and this reason may vary from person to person. One strong assumption would be reason of ASSURANCE. From time to time, women need a certain kind of affirmation that they are still valued and loved.
Everybody knows that in early part of any relationship, everything is beautiful and vibrant. The getting-to-know you stage works for the benefit of the two people involved and it sparks dynamism in the relationship as the declaration of emotion is almost always present and clear.
On the other hand, we also know that after some time, relationships go monotonous and unexciting. It's a point where people get comfortable in the union and tend to relax a bit. With that goes the natural inclination not to show more feelings (although unintentional) and thus, miss out on giving the partner the love affirmation.
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Everybody knows that in early part of any relationship, everything is beautiful and vibrant. The getting-to-know you stage works for the benefit of the two people involved and it sparks dynamism in the relationship as the declaration of emotion is almost always present and clear.
On the other hand, we also know that after some time, relationships go monotonous and unexciting. It's a point where people get comfortable in the union and tend to relax a bit. With that goes the natural inclination not to show more feelings (although unintentional) and thus, miss out on giving the partner the love affirmation.
Read more
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Cheating Study: Men Who Cheat Are More Likely To Have Heart Attacks
Could cheating on your spouse cause a heart attack?
A new study by the University of Florence indicates that “sudden coital death” is more common when a man is engaging in extramarital sex in an unfamiliar setting than when he's having sex with his spouse at home, the Daily Mail reported Tuesday.
The researchers found that infidelity outside the home was associated with "a higher risk of major cardiovascular event," including fatal heart attacks. Heart attacks were less common when a man was having sex with his wife in a familiar setting.
Though they weren't able to pinpoint a precise reason for the correlation, the researchers offered some possible explanations, including a guilty conscious, stress related to keeping the affair under wraps and keeping up with the demands of a younger lover.
“Extra-martial sex may be hazardous and stressful because the lover is often younger than the primary partner and probably sex occurs more often following excessive drinking and/or eating," researcher Dr. Alessandra Fisher told the Daily Mail. “It is possible that a secret sexual encounter in an unfamiliar setting may significantly increase blood pressure and heart rate, leading to increased oxygen demand.”
Source
A new study by the University of Florence indicates that “sudden coital death” is more common when a man is engaging in extramarital sex in an unfamiliar setting than when he's having sex with his spouse at home, the Daily Mail reported Tuesday.
The researchers found that infidelity outside the home was associated with "a higher risk of major cardiovascular event," including fatal heart attacks. Heart attacks were less common when a man was having sex with his wife in a familiar setting.
Though they weren't able to pinpoint a precise reason for the correlation, the researchers offered some possible explanations, including a guilty conscious, stress related to keeping the affair under wraps and keeping up with the demands of a younger lover.
“Extra-martial sex may be hazardous and stressful because the lover is often younger than the primary partner and probably sex occurs more often following excessive drinking and/or eating," researcher Dr. Alessandra Fisher told the Daily Mail. “It is possible that a secret sexual encounter in an unfamiliar setting may significantly increase blood pressure and heart rate, leading to increased oxygen demand.”
Source
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
What Is Love?
We live under a massive cultural delusion about the nature of real love. Propagated by mainstream media, from the time you're born you're inundated with the belief that love is a feeling and that when you find "the one" you'll sense it in your gut and be overcome by an undeniable sense of knowing. When the feeling and corresponding knowing fade (for the knowing is intimately linked to the feeling) and the work of learning about real love begins, most people take the diminished feeling as a sign that they're in the wrong relationship and walk away. And then they start over again, only to find that the now-familiar knowing and feeling fade again... and again... and again.
If love isn't a feeling, what is it?
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If love isn't a feeling, what is it?
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Friday, March 23, 2012
What men and women notice on dates
Dating costs plenty of dough, no doubt about it. But when it comes to spending your hard-earned cash, where should you invest it in order to get the most mileage when it comes to dating? In other words, before hitting the meet-and-greet scene next weekend, what’s really going to make you more attractive to the opposite sex — and what’s a waste of your dating dollars? Before you max out a credit card trying to win your date’s affections (or convince someone you’re hot), check out these interesting tidbits we dug up for more budget-conscious men and women. Because when it comes to putting your best flirting foot forward, it doesn’t always have to be about your shoes!
1. Men say that having gorgeous hair trumps a curvy figure. Trying to decide between a pre-date trip to the salon or Victoria’s Secret, ladies? Go for the fab hair option. According to a recent survey conducted by Pantene, 60% of men surveyed would rather date a woman with great hair than noticeable curves — and 74% of them said they notice a woman because of her hair. In fact, a full 44% of male respondents said that hair was the first thing they notice about a woman… even before her clothes (26%), legs (25%) and makeup (4%). Most of the men who took Pantene’s poll also said they’d be more likely to approach a woman at a bar with great hair than one who was wearing a low-cut shirt. This is great news, since monthly hair upkeep is more of a necessity than sexy lingerie if you’re a woman who’s on a budget. Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t wear sassy underwear if you’ve got it — but when change is tight (like in this tanked economy), it’s good to know that a well-timed mane flip can still make you a main attraction.
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1. Men say that having gorgeous hair trumps a curvy figure. Trying to decide between a pre-date trip to the salon or Victoria’s Secret, ladies? Go for the fab hair option. According to a recent survey conducted by Pantene, 60% of men surveyed would rather date a woman with great hair than noticeable curves — and 74% of them said they notice a woman because of her hair. In fact, a full 44% of male respondents said that hair was the first thing they notice about a woman… even before her clothes (26%), legs (25%) and makeup (4%). Most of the men who took Pantene’s poll also said they’d be more likely to approach a woman at a bar with great hair than one who was wearing a low-cut shirt. This is great news, since monthly hair upkeep is more of a necessity than sexy lingerie if you’re a woman who’s on a budget. Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t wear sassy underwear if you’ve got it — but when change is tight (like in this tanked economy), it’s good to know that a well-timed mane flip can still make you a main attraction.
Read more
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Have Cheating on Your Mind?
Scarlett Johansson recently commented about her divorce to Ryan Reynolds, saying that she wasn't prepared "to hunker down and do the work" necessary to keep her marriage together.
Once a relationship moves past the butterfly stage and into the less exciting and more routine stage, you and your partner need to be more deliberate about keeping your relationship on track.
A romantic relationship does not just happen; it is created. This emotionally intimate bond you share with your partner is best when you feel understood and accepted. It's enhanced through talking intimately about feelings, thoughts, and needs.
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Once a relationship moves past the butterfly stage and into the less exciting and more routine stage, you and your partner need to be more deliberate about keeping your relationship on track.
A romantic relationship does not just happen; it is created. This emotionally intimate bond you share with your partner is best when you feel understood and accepted. It's enhanced through talking intimately about feelings, thoughts, and needs.
Read the rest
Divorced But Stuck Together
Everyone knows at least one married couple who stayed together "because of the kids". Today, it is increasingly common to hear about couples who are getting divorced, and then continue living together "because of the house."
In the good old days (circa 2006), when couples decided to separate or divorce, and they owned a house, they usually agreed to sell the house, divide up the (piles of) accumulated equity, and go their separate ways. Alternatively, one spouse would buy out the other's interest, which was relatively painless given the abundant blessings of quick and easy refinances and the aforementioned piles of accumulated equity or other liquid assets.
Those were the days, my friend.
Read the rest
In the good old days (circa 2006), when couples decided to separate or divorce, and they owned a house, they usually agreed to sell the house, divide up the (piles of) accumulated equity, and go their separate ways. Alternatively, one spouse would buy out the other's interest, which was relatively painless given the abundant blessings of quick and easy refinances and the aforementioned piles of accumulated equity or other liquid assets.
Those were the days, my friend.
Read the rest
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Divorce is no laughing matter
Divorce is the likely fate for almost half of all marriages. Which, if you can bear to be entirely cold-blooded about a hugely traumatic emotional event, makes it extraordinary that some people still manage to be so bad at it – and even more extraordinary that the bitterness of divorcees should be celebrated. This week, the Telegraph ran an interview with Robin Williams (who's on some sort of a promo junket for a new Zelda game, Skyward Sword), which was headlined with one of the actor's old gags about the emasculating effects of alimony.
"Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." (Presumably this was met with much high-fiving at Nintendo PR HQ: "We've got a page! It doesn't mention the game much, but there's a castration angle, which we think is very on-brand.") It's journalistically perverse to lead on a dredged-up line. But it's even more perverse to think that there was a time in Williams's career when it seemed like a smart or civil thing to wring comic material out of the dissolution of two relationships by likening paying maintenance to the mothers of his children to being violently desexed.
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"Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." (Presumably this was met with much high-fiving at Nintendo PR HQ: "We've got a page! It doesn't mention the game much, but there's a castration angle, which we think is very on-brand.") It's journalistically perverse to lead on a dredged-up line. But it's even more perverse to think that there was a time in Williams's career when it seemed like a smart or civil thing to wring comic material out of the dissolution of two relationships by likening paying maintenance to the mothers of his children to being violently desexed.
Read more
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Do Women Now Want Sex More Than Men?
What happens if a woman wants and initiates as much if not more sex than her partner? In a perfect world, they are happily copulating, the war between the sexes softening in a post-coital haze. But the world, of course, isn't perfect.
A year ago, I woke to a phone call from a friend, a high school teacher in her early 40s, complaining that the night before, the man she was seeing had wanted to watch movies and cuddle, while she wanted sex. When she told him if they weren't going to have sex she'd rather sleep at home, his feelings were hurt. She said the emotional part of the relationship (he was talking marriage) was draining her and that without nightly hot sex, she wasn't sure it was worth the effort.
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A year ago, I woke to a phone call from a friend, a high school teacher in her early 40s, complaining that the night before, the man she was seeing had wanted to watch movies and cuddle, while she wanted sex. When she told him if they weren't going to have sex she'd rather sleep at home, his feelings were hurt. She said the emotional part of the relationship (he was talking marriage) was draining her and that without nightly hot sex, she wasn't sure it was worth the effort.
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Tuesday, August 02, 2011
How To Be a Good Husband
Jimmy Carter: Well, I think a good husband for one thing has to depend on having a good wife and I was lucky enough to choose the right woman and we were married more than 64 years ago. Rosalynn and I have run into a few things, first of all, we give each other plenty of space. We don’t try to encroach on the private affairs of each other. Rosalynn has her own major commitments outside of home and so do I. We cooperate whenever we can, we share delightful aspects of life like fly-fishing and bird watching and things of that kind.
Source
How to ask a guy out
Anyway, whatever the explanation, the fact is that single women are more accustomed to being asked out, and single guys are more accustomed to doing the asking — which means there’s not a lot of data out there about how men like to be approached for a first date. With an eye toward correcting this imbalance, here are my observations about the best way to hit on a guy, whether it’s someone you work with, someone you’ve met online, or someone you’ve just rear-ended at a busy intersection.
Read article
Read article
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Greed destroys relationships
We are at a crossroads, people are unhappy with their heterosexual relationships and are looking for alternatives. More gay people are getting their rights, in the military, in entire states like New York, and President Obama is leaning toward accepting marriage between gays.
The one factor that is hurting a male/female relationship is the greed that infects our families, relationships, careers, and entire lives. This is based on one philosophy that we accept without question, capitalism. Capitalism creates this overly ambitious and greedy environment that hurts our relationships with our wives, husbands, and children. It is high time we look for alternative economic systems that lessen the stress greed places on us to save our families, marriages, and society itself.
The one factor that is hurting a male/female relationship is the greed that infects our families, relationships, careers, and entire lives. This is based on one philosophy that we accept without question, capitalism. Capitalism creates this overly ambitious and greedy environment that hurts our relationships with our wives, husbands, and children. It is high time we look for alternative economic systems that lessen the stress greed places on us to save our families, marriages, and society itself.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Are nudists couples happier than most others?
It seems nudists have more honesty in their relationships.
Source
And when they want to chat someone up, they do not use your body the same way they would have used it if they were “textile” confirm all the nudists. 56 year old lawyer Richard Tagliani explains that he met his wife in a nudist camp 25 years ago. “ When I tried to pick her up, I used my brain more than my body. I had to be smart enough to convince her that I was a guy worth spending time with.” Looking at her husband with a broad smile, 44 years old Florence adds, “ when you are nudist all the things that are not related to the body become important. I remember that his look was one of the first thing I was attracted to. When you meet a nudist, you know he can not lie to you”.
Source
Living in a "free" country
I submit that online dating sites are causing much more harm than helping. The divorce rate in this libertine country is 60%, and that is probably a conservative estimate. Does that mean that 40% are happily married, or just suffering along in silence. I'd say only 2% are happily married, the others are just pretending. Freedom does come with consequences, I'd say it's far from free.
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